His Love Poureth
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Jesus Christ,
This is a testimony that I should have made years before, but I was an ignorant of the importance of a testimony. I sincerely pray and hope that this testimony of mine will reach out and touch each of them personally, thereby making them accept Jesus as the One and Only in their Life.
I am a 23-Year-old Girl from South India. I wan born into a Christian family who were regular churchgoers. My parents always taught me the Word of God and admonished me on a day-to-day basis that I need to accept him as the Light of my life. Though I did make a promise to make Jesus mine, never did I take pains to invoke Him. But He loved me and thanks to Him, He did create and opportunity to get me to know Him better.
I did my studies in a Christian school. And while I was in the 10th, my School Principal invited us for a Retreat in Kerala, my homeland. I was the month of September 1995. Being a Christian I was ready and of course my parents did not object in any way and I joined the team. The retreat was to take place in the Divine Retreat Centre, Muringoor. I was all eager not that I was going to see Jesus, but about the fact that we were going on a picnic to Kerala. Little did I realize that "Jesus had called me".
We reached the place safe and sound. Now this place has retreats in many languages English, Tamil, Malayalam, Konkani, Hindi and Telugu. All my friends sat for the English retreat, But something, someone was egging me on to go for the Malayalam retreat, which means I would be all alone. But thank God, One of my school attendants, an elderly woman with her daughter joined me. Thank you Jesus, Praise you Jesus. It was He who did that to make sure that I gave Him all the attention. Had I been with my friends, I would have never had time to pray.
The retreat started. And I realized that I was moving Closer to Jesus for I could feel His Presence. I started praying and crying. Though I was just 15 years, I was crying, in fact weeping buckets. At first I was feeling uncomfortable, but then the strong realization came upon me that I was crying in front of my Father, my Jesus who died for me. He listens to my sighs, my cries. Only He can understand and sympathize with me. He understands the pain, nobody will. So I gave up myself to him. I cried every time there was the adoration. Then came the day for Confession. I confessed all my sins and to my surprise, I was weeping there also. Jesus deserved my tears. Trust me friends, It was the best confession that I had ever made. After the confession, I started feeling light. He had taken away my sins and made me white as snow.
On Thursday during the time of praise and worship, Jesus was kind enough to show me a vision. And this is what I saw. I was clad in a brown frock and carrying a cross. The cross was very heavy and I was finding it very difficult to move ahead. Then I saw Jesus. He was tall and wearing a white robe with a red shawl about his shoulders and chest. He kept walking on without even bothering to turn back, when I was struggling to move ahead. Walking further on we came to a series of steps. The sky was the background here. Jesus started climbing the steps and I followed him. So heavy was the cross that I slipped and fell headlong. Dear friends, Jesus came running down (but I was not able to see His face - I was and am too big a sinner for it) picked me up, dusted my knees and my frock and comforted me while doing this.
So friends what do I make of this? At first I was confused and skeptical about what I saw but this was His way for showing me that there was big time trouble waiting for me and that He would be with me through out. Please do read on, only then will things fall into places.
On the Saturday of that week, I took the train back to Chennai, back to the world of chaos and troubles. I went home a new person so full of the love of Jesus. Looking into my family, we were a middle class family and my father was the sole breadwinner. He was an employee with a manufacturing company and with the salary he did mange to make both ends meet. He made sure that both my brother and me were educated in the best school.
It so happened that the company closed down (due to labour and management problems) as soon as I finished with my 12th standard. My father went into a depression not knowing how to run a family. We owned a flat where we stayed and decided to go in for an alternative arrangement, which would promise a continual flow of income in my family. We shifted over to a smaller flat and rented out our apartment. We started thriving on the rent. The was the kind of a life we led.
I was a good student and my percentage was an 86% in the 12th Std, with a 92% in Physics and 89% in Biology. My father was determined that I go for higher studies. It was my dream to pursue a career in biology and therefore I rejected all the offers I got in various other disciplines to go for a degree in microbiology. This was in a college close to my home but they ran the college for profit and therefore demanded 20,000 Rs (in Indian currency - this was just the donation amount), as a capitation fee, in spite of the fact that I had a good percentage. I was a fool completely blinded by the urge to grow into a respectable person in the society and my parents agreed to go ahead and borrowed Rs 20,000 for my sake. I took a vow that I will study hard and get a good job. But God had other plans for me. This college was a rotten one, this microbiology department had not faculties in it.
The college authorities were not ready to do anything for the benefit of the students, faculties left and the services offered by the college was very bad. The only glimmer of hope I began to see when I joined the college was no more there. Dear friends, the guilty feeling that I carried with me was so strong that I put my heart and soul into what I was doing. But things did not seem to work out any better. I suddenly realized that my degree in this college was not going to fetch me anything. I suddenly wanted to leave the college. I had joined in the month of June and by August I was not able to put up with the college.
Dear friends, can you please imagine as to what kind of a mental frame of mind I was in. All my dreams were blown to smithereens. One side it was the feeling of guilt that was gnawing into to me because my father who was penniless had already spent about 30,000 (all borrowed money) on my education. My brother was still studying. The poor boy had to go without many things for me and my mother was all shattered by the penury we had to face. I did not know what to do. I gave it a good thinking. I had to find a way out. I spoke to my father about it. At first he was shocked. He did not know how to react, my mother was against it but I pestered.
Friends, God was working in me. In times of pain and sorrow he never left me. At last my parents conceded and I went and got myself a Transfer Certificate from the college. Not even a penny was returned back to us. Rs 30,000 went down the drain. But again God worked in my parents too and they never blamed me, but I was shattered. The feeling that I was the cause for this disaster killed me literally and my neighbors, relatives and my friends, blamed me.
Why me?? Why me?? Was my prayer and I never got an answer but silence.
Meanwhile my father had decided that I was not stay over and he started trying on his own to put me in a college. It was at this time that a college opened up. It was a Christian college and the principal was a priest, in fact Syrian Catholic priests ran this instiution. My father took me to see the Principal who was happy to accept me as a student. Being a new college, the numbers of students were very less and most of them were those who had managed a payment seat because they did not have adequate marks to gain admission in a good college. They were all from the lower middle class families with no family background and were into a dirty life. Having studied in a good school where I was blessed with good friends and a fluent vocabulary in English, I started feeling like a fish out of water among these students who knew only dirt and filth in language. They started shunning me and there were times when I used to have lunch all alone. I was aghast. I started victimizing myself, by telling my inner being that all hope was lost and that I would never make it in life. Trust me friends, Satan really had the upper hand then. I chose Economics as my discipline. I was a science student and had never gotten to read even a commerce book. :ife looked bleak. I doubted if I will ever get through my UG and hmmm, hopes of a PG was never there at all.
But God provides for those who call upon Him. I cried easily. And looking back I always call this period "The dark days of my life". I spent many a sleepless nights and I was overcome by an acute case of social phobia. God loved me still. He comforted me by using my college Principal as his instrument. This priest seemed to understand what I was going through and always took time for me, comforting me telling me that I had a bright future ahead and that I was to face all the hardships like a brave little girl. Months flew. Soon it was time for the first university exams. I had not prepared. Though I sat in class, I was never present mentally. I had come to the cross roads and good sense prevailed in me by making me see things. Jesus was guiding me. My fervent prayers were being answered. I decided that I had to do something. There was no use in rebelling my not learning my lessons. I was wasting my life.
I started studying. I sought the help of an ex-schoolmate of mine who also had taken Economics as her core subject. She lent me her notes. I studied hard. I wrote my exams well. Soon it was May and the results were out. I had scored an 88% in my first year. All my lecturers were taken aback by my performance, In fact I had a paralytic stroke when I saw my mark sheet - Thank you Jesus, Praise You Jesus. I decided that I had my God with me and from then on I put my heart and soul into all that I did in college. I became a favorite in college, my friends adored me and faculties respected me. When I look back, Jesus had done all this to humble me. He put me with these kinds of students who carried such big crosses in their lives, yet smiled. They were such wonderful people. I learned that it is not the looks, money or backgrounds that mattered, but the "inside" that mattered, that way these friends of mine were so rich in love and affection that I was put to shame in front of them. I still maintain the network of friendship with all these nice people. They taught what life can mean. See, He has a plan for YOU. THANK YOU JESUS. I had become a better person, humble and understanding.
My GOD again worked through my Principal who asked me to write my MBA entrance exams for gaining an admission with a prestigious management Institute in Chennai, South India. I worked very hard. Jesus provided for me by sending study materials through my faculties who taught me Economics. I did not spend even a rupee for my coaching classes as a very old teacher of mine agreed to help me. Friends, please understand that the preparation for an MBA entrance exam can be very costly in terms of books, coaching classes etc .I DID NOT SPEND EVEN A PENNY. Jesus was with me. I fasted and prayed continuously that I do well in my exams, I said the novena to the Blessed Virgin who provided me with her intercessory prayers and Yes - you would have guessed it. I did very well in my Exams and my Group discussion and Interview and I was given a seat with this prestigious institute. All those who made fun of me were put to shame. My Jesus had made ready a banquet for me. When you have Him with you what could go wrong.
That is not all. The best is yet to come. I joined my Course in Management in the month of June after giving my UG University exams in April. In the month of October, I received a letter from the University of Madras stating that I had topped the university in Economics. And was entitled to a Gold Medal. I was a University rank Holder. Can you imagine how I would have reacted? My name and photo was in the Papers. All those who hurt me came over to congratulate me. Jesus had used me as a tool to bring fame to the new college. Remember I was in the first batch. WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE. HIS DEALINGS ARE SO PERFECT.
I did my MBA course well, and there also He guided me in my studies. I had specialized in Human Resources Development and Jesus made sure I was given the first place in this disciple i.e.; Human Resources Development - cash prize of Rs 5,000. I got placed through campus recruitment.
I take this opportunity to Thank God for all the things HE has and is doing in my life. I also ask Him forgiveness for having kept to myself the story of his love and not testifying unto the world that HE is the Lord who answer prayers, who has a plan for us an who will never leave our side, when in times of trials and tribulations.
So Friends don't you think that Jesus had revealed to me in the vision that I would be going through a difficult phase where silence would His answer to my cry. I fell, He picked me up, consoled me and gave me all that I wanted. What more do I need in life.
Jesus never fails ... 2jesus