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My name is Susan, and I have finally found what I have been searching for, for all of my life, which is peace. I was saved when I was a very young girl, and loved going to church more than anything. Even being so young, Jesus was the most important thing in my life!
When I was 12, we moved to another state and I had a very hard time making friends in my new school. Some of the kids were very mean to me, and made fun of me alot. I was terrified, so I started hanging with some pretty wild and rough kids. There was no more room in my life for Jesus. I eventually started drinking and smoking pot. That was the only way I felt like I could fit in. I had no self-esteem and I hated myself. I was very wild and rebelious, my parents could not do anything with me, I was out of control! When I was 16 I got pregnant, and married the father. The marriage lasted for 3 months. I had a beautiful little girl, but she put a damper on my partying. I lived with my parents, so they raised her, while I spent most my time running around doing drugs and drinking. I could never hold down a job, the most important thing in my life was doing drugs, drinking and living the wild life. I have been in drug rehab, been to several schrinks, suicidal, my life has been a chaotic mess. A very ugly picture!
In March of 1998, I was at home and so discusted with myself, and sick and tired of it all. I was a 37 year old drunk, and knew I could never stop. I just wanted to die! Killing myself was the only way I could see to end my misery!
Then it was like a voice in my head said,"You know what to do". I was crying so hard, and I feel down in the floor, and prayed, "Dear Lord please have mercy on me, and save my soul! I spent the rest of the day praying and crying and on my knees!
I couldn't, and still cannot get over the peace that washed over me that day! I was always searching. Searching for that new drug, new man, searching for something to make me feel loved and complete. I no longer do that. I have found exactly what I have always needed. I have found peace, contentment, love, I have found Jesus!
If anyone reads this and you think you are beyond help you are not! Just go to Jesus, he is waiting!
PSALM; 30:11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; 12. To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee forever.