Thank You Jesus for my New Life
I grew up knowing about Jesus and going to Catholic Church w/ my parents. I thought knowing about him was enough. I would even feel the Holy Spirit in my heart at church, but when I left church, I was back to the real world, clubbing almost every weekend, once in a while smoking mj w/ friends and drinking ... at 26 years old w/ a little 3 year old, I was depressed because of all the problems I had with her dad and how the relationship had gone bad.
I remember that as I used to go out, God was always with me, and I was blessed w/out even knowing by having made Christian friends, that would always tell me, "God is calling you to look for him, but you ignore him", but I would kind of ignore what they were telling me too, bcuz I used to think, "Man, how boring, to change my whole life, not going out anymore to clubs, drinking and I think God still loves me w/ all this I'm not hurting anyone".
But deep within, the reason for me doing all this was because I had a deep void in my heart, I felt very lonely and always depressed thinking about my little girls, dad. Going out was my temporary distraction, and as soon as it was over, again, back to my room, with my same problem. (I remember thinking always alone in my room that I was in this foggy forest at nighttime, and that I was blinded. I couldn't find my way out to the light at the end of the forest. (the light being God)
In October, 2002, I met a young guy named Raul, his parents were and are Pastors at a Christian church here in south Florida, we started talking and going out. He was Christian but he was in his youth still confused so he was going out with me on the weekends to hip hop clubs and smoking. What I did notice about him was that he was so different than other guys, he respected me, he cared for me and was with me the whole time after I had a foot surgery, I would follow him around to the movie theatres on crutches because I couldn't go out yet to clubs with a bad foot, I was even kind of mean to him sometimes, and I would wonder why is he so patient with me. Someone else would of left, but he liked me a lot.
One day we were talking about God and, I was telling him about all the dreams I had with God and that God talked to me telling me, we had to prepare ourselves for the new life, he told me he believed me because, God had talked to him to, and I was like, Thank God, at least he doesn't think I'm crazy. I also used to tell Raul, I love good things in life like luxurious things, (expensive Louis vuitton purses, coach, etc) from a guy. Pretty much it was part of my mentality, conditioned by society, because when you go out here in South Beach, alot of what you see, is model looking girls, with all the best things.
God got my attention alright, after all the calling for me that he had done and I wouldn't listen. March 9, 2003, Sunday morning Raul had called me at 6:10 am in the morning after a night of going out. I woke up angry seeing it was him and I didn't pick up, so he left a message which I heard later, where he had told me to call him back because he was tired and falling asleep. I never called him back. At 12:30 PM I received a call. He had fallen asleep behind the wheel, on the way home around 6:15 and died when the car ran off the road and flipped.
I fell to the floor screaming and crying, because it was too much for me, I didn't understand why life had done this to me, and why he had to leave me just like that, It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair, "nothing good for me ever lasts", I thought.
When I arrived at his parents home, the whole church was there and everyone was praying, out loud. It was something I had never seen in my life. I was in such shock. I had mixed feelings, anger, guilt, sadness, you name it. Well, I am realizing now that God has a purpose for everything, God told me. Raul was my son. I wanted him back with me, He served his purpose here, he was my instrument used to change your life and the life of many others, because he wanted me also in his Kingdom one day. Praise God! Because my sister and other friends around got saved and when God uses someone, the way he used Raul in those 4 and a half months I knew him, he doesn't just dispose of them, I know because in a vision God showed me and told me, Raul is happier than he could of ever been down here in God Almighty's presence.
On March 11, 2003, two days after his death, at the wake, I remember walking into that place and seeing the coffin and feeling angry and sad, but after so many pastors including his mom and dad (unbelievable! - strengthened by the power and their faith in God) speaking about the bible and a lot of passages in 2 Corinthians 4, 5 and 1 Cor.15:12-58 singing and talking about how all is temporary here and that, we would see him again, Not to say goodbye; instead, see you later! Amen! I believed it soooo much in my heart that precious evening, that when I walked out of that church, I remember feeling so much relief that in myself I kept saying or my spirit kept saying, "I cant wait to start my new life, I cant wait to start my new life!
Without even looking to be touched by Jesus and being renewed, he saw how I believed, and I was reborn. Hallelujah! Since that day I've been different, I don't drink, smoke, or go out anymore, I don't want to go back into that darkness, My spirit only hungers to worship the Lord, and go to their parents church, and learn about his word. He is Faithful, Raul was used as an instrument, He's happy and I know I'll see him again also, because I believe. (Read John 3:3-36, about being born again.)
I didn't believe you had to be born again to go to heaven, until it happened to me, now I see clearly, I am out of that dark forest and I saw myself standing at a White door, where ahead of me there was pure light, Jesus light! Now my sister and I got baptized in water at the church, and my life is full of Jesus. I can say I feel like I am in love with him. I have a personal relationship with him today. So God has a purpose for everything in our lives, even though we may not understand it in the beginning, but he sees way further ahead than we can, He sees the whole picture, I cant see past today. I just thank my Lord, for loving me, and breaking me and my hardness because I miss my Raul, but now I belong to Jesus, and I know where I am going to. If I would of kept living the way I was living, he told me my soul would have been doomed.
Now, I told this testimony at church, and to Raul's mom, the pastor, and she tells me God is faithful ... He Kept His Word! She had always prayed, that God would use Raul (24 yrs old) as an instrument, to those who were lost, and one day she had a dream, that God answered her, "I am going to use your son, to change lives", of course she didn't know how, that was 3 years ago, and she tells me that now she sees, how he used Raul, through my change and how she was so happy that her son was Gods instrument. I love you Lord, with all my heart. If anyone reading this now has not felt the joy of the Lord, let me tell, you, It is the utmost, ultimate feeling you could ever have, no one can take this from you. Ask him to give you this new life believing it Romans 10:9-11. If you look to him first, he will give you all the desires of your heart.
That's how I live my life now, serving him, I don't even worry anymore about my little girls, dad, I pray for his salvation and I know he will be saved one day, But I don't pray that God brings him back to me. I trust him so much, I know he'll give me whatever is best for me. God Bless everyone who took the time to read this. I also realized with Raul's passing that life and everything in it is sooo temporary, why want all the luxuries and things the world has to offer you when, by believing in Jesus, we will have eternal treasures in Heaven, much greater, than we can even imagine.
We have to love one another, do good, unto others, and Thank God every single morning for our friends, our life, everything that we have. He hears you. I chose to live for Jesus and not for this world the day my sister and I were baptized. We are just passing through this world, it is a mere speck in all of eternity, and I want to spend my eternity with Jesus, my savior in heaven, and I want to praise him next to Raul for eternity! Not in hell. This is written so all the Glory can Be to God and God only. Amen.
We welcome Lili, to the Body of Christ and thank her for her testimony ... 2jesus