Full of Hate
Dear Ferd, before I got saved life was not much. A lot of stress in my life ... Depression. A very unhappy person and felt no one cared about me. I did not even like myself. I have three sons and 3 grandsons and we all love each other much, but it wasn't enough, something was missing. I use to feel God loves everyone, why don't he love me? Why won't he help me?
I would pray but felt it went nowhere. Either God did not hear me or He just didn't care is how I felt. But then I started looking at my life. Everywhere in the Bible it said love. Or means love. I was carrying hate for people, many years of hate. For my sister and brother who I had felt done me wrong and had hurt me.
I would come to your site and I would read a lot. Even copied things and I would sit out side and read what you had written and read the bible. I could not understand why God would bless other people, but when I would pray it just seem to stay the same. I have had health problems, nerve problems and I would pray. But when I would pray some times things even seem to get more worse then better. Then I started reading about the man in the bible who lost everything but would not denigh God and in the end he was rewarded. I thought about that he loved God. He knew love and the most important thing in his life was God.
I got to thinking, I have so much hate in me, how can I love God or even expect him to listen to me. A few days after that my husband and I went shopping and who did I run in to? My brother that I very much disliked. I felt an ache in side of me and a sadness the next thing I knew I walked up to him and hugged him. He pushed back for I knew he still didn't care for me to much but I walked away knowing I had forgiven him and my sister. I walked away knowing I loved them and hope some day that they would love me. I felt a weight lifted and knew I had done the right thing.
The next night I visited your sight again and was saved. I left your sight knowing it. Now I can truly say I love the lord and he loves me. I know he always loved me but couldn't do a thing tell I could love back and get the hate out. I love the lord Jesus with all my heart and praise him for not giving up on me and my Salvation.
Jackie, is no longer full of hate. Jesus has filled the void and made her a child of God.
Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your sins ... 2jesus